Dear Auntie Beeb,

I don’t watch programmes like Silent Witness so much anymore. I spent a lot of my life watching crime shows on TV.  At some point, though, I’d had enough. Maybe it was an increasing sense of my own mortality, maybe it was seeing one too many women get horrifically killed for our viewing pleasure. After the first season of The Fall, which sent a clear message that if you dare to be female, single and live alone then terrible things will happen, and the Luther that ran at the same time and reiterated the same message, I swore off such programmes.

So I’m not sure why I watched the latest two episodes of Silent Witness. Continue reading

this time, I mean it

It wasn’t that I forgot, more that I got distracted. I was still having the ideas, just not extracting them from my brain in anything other than status form. I even forgot to press the publish button for my last post, but it was nice and summery and right now it is dreich as all wintry get out so I just did it just now. CRAZY I KNOW.

Anyways. 2014 started out, well, not great. 2015 has started out a lot better. (It actually started out with some violent vomiting but let’s not go into that right now. Let’s just say, not my fault, mkay?)

So yeah. Last year was mixed. Some things weren’t great. I still don’t really have a home to speak of… I moved out of my dad’s into a flatshare, which is, you know – fine. Just not what I’m used to, or where I expected to be. But everyone living here is lovely and I have a nice room and I can park outside and it’s next to a park. I still get *menstrual migraines* (I puked in public for the first time ever!) and the grimmest pmt, periods, and now *wooo* ovulations. Super. I still have dodgy knees, and maybe body. I click when I move. I still have no assets or prospects. I still miss my mum like nothing I have known, I’m still so sad and angry that she isn’t here anymore and sometimes it hits me so hard I can’t breathe.

But guess what? There has been good stuff too. I still have an amazing family and have had lovely times with all of them throughout the last year, and had a lovely lovely family holiday in Wigtown in the sunshine. I still have a job, I still make a tiny difference in a tiny corner of the world. Also I got to go to America! I went to Oregon to line manage our roller derby all-stars, and had a wonderful time with wonderful people. I got a roller derby holiday in Oslo, too!

And I started a post-grad. I’m a student now, whut?? I’m doing MLitt in Gender Studies at Stirling Uni. I gave myself no notice, deciding to do it the week it began. SPONTANEOUS MEGA COMMITMENT. It’s over two years but still plenty work, particularly for someone not from *the academy*. Good news is I love it so far, although I might have forgot that as I cobbled together two essays with a migraine the night before the deadline o.O

And. AND. I met a person. I have a person. I have an amazing, wonderful, beautiful person. I haplessly nursed a crush for months, clueless that it was requited. How could it be? But it was, it is, and five months and a lot of *feelings* on, I am starting to accept that I am loved – but more importantly, that I can, and do, love too.

2015 – BRING IT.