The Queer Rebellion of Embracing Your Body As It Is

There are two things I never thought I’d do:  go bare legged in public without shaving, and wear short shorts.

I did both of these things last weekend, while playing in a roller derby tournament.  And I survived.  I won’t say there weren’t moments of doubt and self-consciousness, but they were minimal, just minor irritations I could brush away.

For some, this won’t seem like such a big deal.  But for me, this is HUGE.   Continue reading

There’s No Big Question, There’s No Big Answer – I Just Don’t Have Children

When I was thirteen, the approaching millennium was an exciting thing, some distant and magical future.  We would talk about where we’d be, who we’d be, what we’d be doing.  I don’t remember every laying down any specifics, other than the unemotional assumption that I’d be married – to a man – and have children. Continue reading

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Whose Gaze Matters Most of All? 

I graduated the other week.  After two years of part-time study, alongside two part-time jobs, a house move, an employment change and being rostered onto two roller derby travel teams, I achieved my M.Litt – with distinction – in Gender Studies.  I should have been ready to mark this occasion, looking forward to celebrating my achievement.  But mostly, I spent the run up to the ceremony worrying about what to wear. Continue reading

I know, not all men. But definitely some of them.

I found another lump in my breast a few weeks ago.  My first thought was that it was probably another cyst, and I was right.  When I had first found a lump, just over a year ago, just before Christmas, I spent a few weeks thinking the absolute worst.  I  didn’t tell my new partner.  How could I?  She hadn’t signed up for that.  The morning I spent at the breast clinic, alone, was pretty grim.  They confirmed there was something there, gave me a mammogram, and then an ultrasound, which was when they told me it was a cyst. The relief was palpable.  I had loads.  It’s just a thing!  That particular one, they drained.  The pain was quite intense.  They were very sympathetic.  Told me to go to my GP if any changes happened.  And so, I did. Continue reading

Things People Have Said About My Body and Appearance

What a bag of bones
Beanpole
You could drive a truck through those legs
Those are good child bearing hips
Nice arse (friend jumps in – don’t chat her up, she’s got grey hair)
You’re a total milf
I’m not even interested anyway, you haven’t even got any tits
How will that stay up? (about a strapless dress, while looking at my breasts)
You’re only light cos you don’t have any tits
Someone’s run away with your tits (after a one night stand, grabbing my breasts)
YOU’VE NOT EVEN GOT ANY FUCKING TITS ANYWAY (angry drunk friend of a boyfriend, in a very populated beer garden)
Nice breasts
You look like one of those models
Are you pregnant?
You’ve put on weight
You’ve lost weight
You don’t look that heavy
Where do you put it all?
I would never have guessed how much you weigh
You look great, skinny and great (after broken leg/painkiller induced weight loss)
You do have very sturdy legs
You’ve got weird bony shoulders
Your ribs show
Is that a boy or a girl
Is that a man or a lady
You’ve got really hairy toes
You’re really hairy
So…do you not shave?
That’s not very lady like (on my unshaved legs)
What’s wrong with your eyebrows?
Your friend is much prettier
Are you the ugly best friend?
Dog
Ugly bitch
Can you get me some heroin?
I think you need a bit of fake tan
You look so much better now, before you had all this grey hair
Why would you cut your hair like that?
Do you regret cutting your hair off?
Wow that suits you so much better like that

Smile

Smile

Smile

cheer up it might never happen

Smile

ad nauseum